Insignificant

I knew what he was going to do as soon as I saw the ladder. He climbed it and moved the spotlight until I was in the center. He did the same to the lights on the synthesizer and the drums. Those lights are hot but necessary when you have a “live feed” on your website.

The music director said, “We will need to move one of the keyboards back to stagger them.”

“I volunteer,” I quipped, “I will even go behind the projector screen!”

A few minutes later I felt the light brighten to its full potential. (He did it on purpose.) I grabbed my music stand, raised it as high as it would go and tipped it to a 90° angle. It blocked that light completely when I sat down. The usher, who was “helping” him, burst out laughing.

We started practicing and I realized I would only be playing on the chorus of each song. The songs were “synth” songs. I was a little bored. For a brief moment, I considered quitting but I tried that before.

In our former church, the songs were piano-led. Then the new worship songs were guitar-led. (Sacrilege!) I had to alternate playing lead with a guitar. And then they bought a toy piano,…er, I mean…a keyboard and wanted me to play it!

At the same time, I was fighting persistent hives on my face. I spent 3 months housebound until it healed. But the next summer the hives returned and I quit playing. I moved my office home and left only once or twice a week. A year later, I stepped down from my job.

A few years after that David switched churches, and 6 years after I quit, I was back at the keyboard. When God appoints you, you can’t quit. He will just start over.

Hebrews 3:2, “Who was faithful to Him who appointed Him, as Moses was faithful in all his house.” Modern English Version

Jesus was faithful to God who appointed Him. Moses was faithful to his appointment. I know they both wanted to quit.

After practice, I lowered the music stand to its proper position and went to the bathroom to wrestle with God.

Hebrews 3:8, 13, “Do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion, on the day of temptation in the wilderness….lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.” Modern English Version

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Hebrews 4:1, “Therefore, since the promise of entering His rest remains, let us fear lest any of you should seem to come short of it.” Modern English Version

“Dear God, A part of me just died. You know I do not want the spotlight, but my contribution seems so small, so insignificant, so unimportant….”

Hebrews 4:12, 13, “…able to judge the thoughts and intents of the heart. There is no creature that is not revealed in His sight, for all things are bare and exposed to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account.” Modern English Version

Whatever died must have been unnecessary. It was something that was not reflected in the image of Christ. God is pressing, molding, shaping, and chipping away at me to make me more like Christ.

Hebrews 5:10, “For God is not unjust so as to forget your work and labor of love that you have shown for His name, in that you have ministered to the saints and continue ministering.” Modern English Version

The temptation to harden my heart was not insignificant. God dealt with that right away. My contribution, no matter how small, is not insignificant because God uses each part to lead others in worship of Him. I may have to endure a few less than exciting songs but He promises to give me His rest.