God is Not Mad at Us

For a few weeks now, each morning, I drag myself out of bed. I didn’t know why. I printed off an hourly schedule for each week to increase my productivity. After two days, I turned that schedule into a time study.

It embarrassed me to see that I spent two hours playing computer games one day, and on another day, I spent three hours reading a western! I didn’t see either activity as productive. (Yet, I shared an excerpt from that book, see here.)

Yesterday was a total loss according to my “schedule.” (Maybe not a total loss – I did make a grocery list.) Mom came over to visit while they changed the oil in her car. (Her mechanic will bring her to my house and pick her up after he finishes. I love living in a small town!)

When Mom comes to town, I do two things: 1) Declutter like crazy, and 2) Ignore my schedule. I showed her pictures and posts on Facebook. She doesn’t have a computer and I sent friend requests on her behalf. When she is here, I show her updates on her friend’s timelines. (Her friends don’t post often.)

The mechanic picked her up right before lunch. I made a salad and played computer games while I ate. Three hours later, I realized I had not read my Bible! I felt guilt and shame.

Ezekiel 9:8, “…Will You destroy all…?” Modern English Version

I was sure God was mad at me. I wasn’t productive at all. I changed clothes and went to church.

Our speaker was Sean Hirschy, a missionary to Germany. He preached on Ephesians 3:17, “…rooted and grounded in [God’s] love.” Modern English Version.

“The accuser tells us God is mad at us or He doesn’t love us. If someone expects more from us than is humanly possible, that’s not love…God knew us before we were formed, (Jeremiah 1:4-10)….We are to be filled with the knowledge of His will, (Colossians 1:9, 10).” Sean Hirschy

Last night I learned:

  1. God is not mad at me. He doesn’t want to destroy me. He loves me.
  2. God does not expect me to go constantly for 6 days a week and then crash in exhaustion on Sundays. Jesus never ran. He walked and set aside time for rest.
  3. God formed me to solve puzzles. That is why I enjoy computer games and Sudoku. That ability to solve puzzles is how I was able to raise 3 kids on less than $50,000 a year, feed 5 people on $50 a week, and continue to pay our bills when my income dropped to zero!
  4. God wants me full of the knowledge of His will. His will is for me to write. He did not call me to blog in the traditional sense. I have to stop comparing myself to other blogs. (But God – they’re so pretty.)

I realized why it takes me so long to solve some of the computer games. I hurry. I try to complete it on my lunch hour. When I hit a dead-end, I push the button for a new game instead of looking for a solution.

I really need to slow down and enjoy the journey. I need to take more time for relaxation. (We don’t camp on the weekends and our last vacation was in 2012!) And I need to go to the library. I’m out of books!

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