I Was Detained

I failed my mammogram.

The receptionist was sympathetic when I checked in for the second one. I told her I wasn’t worried. All-day long I said, “There’s nothing there.”

They took pictures of 2 places and then looked at them with an ultrasound. One was nothing to worry about but the second looked suspicious.

“It looks like a milk duct that did not form correctly. The tubules are growing in every direction,” the doctor informed me.

I told David I had a “milk duct dud.” From then on, we referred to it as a “milk dud.” We didn’t tell anyone about it.

My verses that day, November 5th, was Numbers 9:3, “…following all the rules and procedures.” The Message

Numbers 11:23, “God answered Moses, ‘So, do you think I can’t take care of you? You’ll see soon enough…'” The Message

* * * * * * *

The next step was an MRI in Cedar Rapids. David took the day off and we ate lunch at Culvers. I had the best salad!

When I arrived, I told the technician I was there to get a picture of my “milk dud.” Then I explained it to her. She laughed.

To take the MRI, you lay on your stomach with your face in a padded doughnut, like when you get a massage. You are on your knees leaning on your stomach at an angle. They stabilize the breasts and give you a “panic ball” in case you feel nauseous, claustrophobic, or panic.

They asked if I would like music. I said, “‘Contemporary Christian Music’ or ‘Skillet,’ but ‘Skillet’ makes me bop my head!”

She said, “Contemporary Christian would be better.”

The first song was “Do It Again,” by Elevation Worship:

“Walking around these walls

I thought by now they’d fall

But you have never failed me yet.

Waiting for change to come

Knowing the battle’s won

For you have never failed me yet.

 

Your promise still stands

Great is your faithfulness, faithfulness

I’m still in your hands

This is my confidence,

You’ve never failed me yet.

 

I know the night won’t last

Your word will come to pass

My heart will sing your praise again.

Jesus, you’re still enough

Keep me within your love

My heart will sing your praise again”

I started crying with the second chorus…

“Great is your faithfulness, faithfulness…”

Then I remembered I was supposed to lie perfectly still. I let the words of the bridge wash over me.

“I’ve seen you move, you move mountains,

And I believe, I’ll see you do it again.

You made a way when there was no way

And I believe, I’ll see you do it again. …”

The next song was “Unstoppable God” by Elevation Worship. As we neared the clinic, I started feeling apprehensive. David turned on the radio and it was playing.

“Let your glory go on and on

Impossible things in your name shall be done…”

I smiled and relaxed. I started to drift off…then the MRI machine kicked into high gear! The beeps and pings turned into bangs and clangs. It sounded like a war in a movie.

I started rehearsing, “Great is your faithfulness.” And I remembered what I prayed this morning. “God, I choose to trust you.” When I’m scared and don’t feel like trusting, I will choose to trust.

The clanging ceased and I heard the chorus of the next song, “Need You Now (How Many Times?) by Plumb

Chorus: “How many times have you heard me cry out

‘God, please take this?’

How many times have you given me strength to

Just keep breathing?

Oh, I need you, God, I need you now.”

 

Verse 2: “Standing on a road I didn’t plan

Wondering how I got where I am

I’m trying to hear that still, small voice

I’m trying to hear above the noise!”

 

Bridge: “Though I walk,

though I walk through the shadows

And I, I am so afraid

Please stay, please stay right beside me

with every single step I take…”

The machine went back into “war mode.” (At least I didn’t jump this time.) The magnet sounded like a machine gun!

I reminded myself, “Just keep breathing” and took several big breaths. At that point, I regretted eating that large salad!

The noise stopped and the fourth song started – “My Hope Is In You” by Aaron Shust.

“I meet with you and my soul sings out

as your word throws doubt far away

I sing to you and my heart cries holy

Hallelujah, Father, you’re near!”

 

“My hope is in you, Lord

All the day long, I won’t be shaken…”

The technician unplugged the IV that delivered the dye. A nurse took away the “panic ball.” They whisked away the towels I was laying on, removed the IV, and wrapped the site. The rest of the verse scrolled through my head.

“…by drought or storm

A peace that passes understanding is my song

and I sing my hope is in you, Lord…”

 

The bridge of that song is “I will wait on you. You are my refuge.” And that is what I have to do – wait. The next step is a biopsy.

* * * * * * *

David took me to Cedar Rapids on Sunday and we spent the night because I had an early appointment. Shopping and eating out kept my mind off of the biopsy. He took me to see the movie “A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood.”

* * * * * * *

I slept well but after breakfast, I started getting nervous. At that moment my daughter-in-law Rachel sent a text telling me they were praying for me.

* * * * * * *

We took a wrong turn and David stopped for gas. I went inside for a coffee. When I took a cappuccino to the front a man at the next register offered to pay for it.

He said, “You might think I’m crazy but God told me to pay for your drink.”

“Of course,” I replied. I explained our church was raising money to give away before Christmas.

He asked which one. I gave him a card and explained about truelife.org on the back.

“It’s a website with verses to help during hard times, like death or going to get a biopsy like me.”

He replied, “You know you’re being followed – by goodness and mercy.”

I laughed. I was no longer nervous or afraid.

* * * * * * *

In the examining room, the nurse started explaining what would happen. I suddenly needed the restroom!

The bathroom was full of God’s presence. Someone else had been praying in there! I couldn’t help but raise my hands whispering, “I raise a hallelujah in the presence of my enemy.”

Back in the room, the nurse noted my birthdate. We are the same age and started talking like old friends. She kept me talking through the procedure. I never took my eyes off of her face. I couldn’t feel anything and I refused to look.

They bandaged me up and walked me back to David. The biopsy showed “atypical cells” but was inconclusive. They made an appointment for a surgical biopsy.

* * * * * * *

The surgeon looked at the site with ultrasound, and said, “I’m not going to biopsy it. I’m going to excise it.”

“When?”

“Tomorrow.”

At the look of panic on my face, he retreated, “I was just joking. My nurse does the scheduling.”

They went to get David from the waiting room and I went to the bathroom. I hid in there for 20 minutes but I figured the doctor owed me because I waited in the room that long for him.

I needed a week off from the piano and wouldn’t be able to lift more than 10 pounds for 3 weeks. We scheduled it for December 30th because there was no church on New Year’s Day.

I was in shock for the rest of the day. We stopped at Mom’s and told her about the surgery. Then I called my kids and siblings.

* * * * * * *

Christmas kept my mind off of the surgery. I wrote down 2 verses for that day:

Mark 2:3, “They brought a paraplegic to him, carried by four men.” The Message

My job today is to let others carry me.

Mark 2:28, “The Son of Man is no lackey to the Sabbath. He is in charge!” The Message

Jesus is in charge of this day.

* * * * * * *

My daughter Laura went with us to the hospital. My youngest son Derek took a half-day off and met us there.

When we arrived, they called my sister Cheryl down who works there. She was such a comfort!

I was pleased when Dana, the “Care Pastor,” came a few minutes later. He brought me a get-well package with books and a mug. He shared a couple of key verses to meditate on and prayed for me.

My granddaughter Olivia gave me a rock with “Courage” stamped on it for Christmas. I placed it on the bed next to the hospital gown and took a picture of them.

I sent it to my daughter-in-law Bethany and told her, “Tell Olivia I have everything I need.”

* * * * * * *

The incision was twice as long as predicted but he took extra tissue to test.

No tumors! No cancer!

The margins are clear!

On January 1st I started reading my new Bible, the Common English Bible.

Luke 7:48, “It’s like a person building a house by digging deep and laying the foundation on bedrock. When the flood came, the rising water smashed against that house, but the water couldn’t shake the house because it was well built.” Common English Bible

* * * * * * *

“Flood: an image for hard times (see Isaiah 43:2, Psalms 69:2). Living by Jesus’ instructions prepares a person to survive life’s trials.” Common English Bible Notes

I was detained but God was with me every step of the way.

P. S. I read my Bible every day but most of the verses were personal. Our church is fasting and I am seeing even more things to work on. I hope you understand why I may not post every day.

©2009-2020 thisyearsbiblereadingguide.com. All Rights Reserved.

Jacob Buried Them

We took the family to “Appanoose Rapids” to celebrate Derek’s birthday. Olivia, 7, brought a doll that poops! She tired of holding it. I offered to put it in the booth beside me. I misjudged the space and bonked the doll’s head on the table.

“Good job, great-grandma,” Laura quipped.

I froze.

When Olivia has a child I will be a great-grandma. That was a sobering thought.

Then David shared how Kyle, the bass player, calls me “Grandma Pamcake.” (I tell him only Olivia can call me grandma.)

I started feeling self-pity. Why do they tease me about my age?

After eating, we debated about going to Kohls. I wanted to see if they had a space heater on sale. I spend most of the day in my office. I could just heat it.

But everyone was tired. We went home.

Self-pity reared its head again. The lies started going through my head:

  • David always says “no” to me.
  • Nobody cares about what I need.
  • I always have to go without.
  • Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I guess I’ll go eat worms…

😦

As a child, I was miserable most of the time. I was itchy, bleeding, and in pain with my clothes stuck to the Atopic Dermatitis. It tormented me day and night. I was sleep-deprived. And children are cruel. Self-pity was a constant companion.

“May we remember that if self-pity is allowed to set in, we will never be used by God again until it is totally removed.” “Streams in the Desert,” October 12

I could justify self-pity. But I know it does not please God.

Genesis 35:4, “They turned over to Jacob all the alien gods they’d been holding on to, along with their lucky-charm earrings. Jacob buried them under the oak tree in Shechem.” The Message

Have I allowed self-pity to become an idol in my life? It is a habitual reaction. It’s one I need to bury.

“Feel locked out? Feel unincluded?…Need some direction in your life? Get behind Me and follow Me through the valley, through the pain. …If you feel disconnected, hook up with Me. …I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. And I’m making a way for everybody who will walk by faith.”

“Need Something? God’s Got It…” 1:Minute Motivation, Steven Furtick

Do you struggle with self-pity? How did you overcome it? How can we share empathy without giving pity to one in pain?

©2009-2018 thisyearsbiblereadingguide.com. All Rights Reserved.

#bible

No Sleep…But Rested

I’ve been on Prednisone for a few weeks now and it has drastically reduced my sleep. I find it difficult to settle down and am staying up later.

I will sleep for two hours, battle insomnia for two hours, and then sleep for a few hours more. No matter what, my internal rooster crows before six!

How am I surviving? I take power naps, 10-15 minutes at a time, throughout the day. But the most important thing I do is to stop completely on Sunday. After church, I put on exercising pants, a tee-shirt and go to bed.

I may not sleep, but I don’t work. I will eat lunch & dinner in bed and spend the hours reading or watching TV. (The rest of the family are engrossed in ball games.)

Since I’ve made the habit of resting on Sunday, I’ve found I have an incredible amount of energy on Monday.

I’m guarding my health and extending my life as instructed in today’s verse.

Jeremiah 17:21, “If you value your lives, don’t do any work on the Sabbath…”

Refresh Your LIfe With His Love

“Dear Diary,

It was too hot to swim sleep last night…The Prednisone wakes me up after four hours. I took Benadryl, hoping to sleep longer. I was still ready to go after four hours…except my eyelids…they rolled up at four a.m. I was ready for a nap when Bethany and Olivia arrived at six. She is recovering from surgery. I wanted to keep her hydrated. I filled Olivia’s sippy cup, screwed the lid on, and then handed it to Bethany to drink…Bubble bath at seven p.m. Whitney Went to bed.”

Yesterday I started weaning off of Prednisone…today a storm rolled in. The change in barometric pressure brought sinus pressure. For a fleeting second, I thought I might be getting sick….

…and then I read today’s verses.

Zephaniah 3:12, 13, “But I, the Lord, won’t destroy any of your people who are truly humble and turn to me for safety.”

Zephaniah 3:15-18, “…Your Lord is King of Israel and stands at your side; you don’t have to worry about any more troubles. The Lord your God wins victory after victory and is always with you. He celebrates and sings because of you, and he will refresh your life with his love. The Lord has promised: Your sorrow has ended, and you can celebrate.”

God Has Got This!

It’s 5:00 a.m. and the peanut butter cookies are cooling. My daughter-in-law is having surgery today and these are her favorites. I meant to bake them yesterday, but it warmed up outside. I waited to do it in the cool of the morning.

I decided to read my Bible while they cooled and I was encouraged with many verses in these chapters. God knew about the surgery and it was in His plan for me to read these chapters today.

Isaiah 34:3, 4, “Here is a message for all who are weak, trembling, and worried: ‘Cheer up! Don’t be afraid. Your God is coming to punish your enemies. God will take revenge on them and rescue you.'”

Isaiah 40:1, “Our God has said: ‘Encourage my people! Give them comfort.'”

Isaiah 40: 11, “The Lord cares for his nation, just as shepherds care for their flocks. He carries the lambs in his arms, while gently leading the mother sheep.”

Isaiah 40:28, 29, “Don’t you know? Haven’t you heard? The Lord is the eternal God, Creator of the earth. He never gets weary or tired; his wisdom cannot be measured. The Lord gives strength to those who are weary.”

Isaiah 40:31, “But those who trust the Lord will find new strength. They will be strong like eagles soaring upward on wings; they will walk and run without getting tired.

Isaiah 41:10, “Don’t be afraid. I am with you. Don’t tremble with fear. I am your God. I will make you strong as I protect you with my arm and give you victories.”

Isaiah 41:13, “I am the Lord your God. I am holding your hand, so don’t be afraid. I am here to help you.”

I think I will go take a nap before my grand-daughter arrives. That little lamb and I will be painting, playing with Play-Doh, playing the piano, cooking homemade marina, dressing up, playing with Barbie Dolls. Her aunt will be taking her to play in the park and Pa is planing on taking her to the library tomorrow. We won’t even worry about mommy because we know, “God has got this!”

 

Kept Safe, Calm and Strong

Isaiah 30:15, “The holy Lord God of Israel had told all of you, ‘I will keep you safe if you turn back to me and calm down. I will make you strong if you quietly trust me.'”

I play the piano at church on Sunday morning and Whitney plays the other sounds: pads, strings, synthesizer, organ, etc. She is battling a health issue more serious than mine.

We held service in the Expo room yesterday because another group was set up for a matinée in the auditorium. We joked about not falling off of the platform.

During the second song, Whitney started to feel ill. She quietly and calmly walked off of the platform and went to lie down. Just as the Lord promised, she safely got off of the platform and God brought strength to her.

When I realized she was gone, I slipped from the keyboard I was playing and played her part on the last two worship songs because it was more needed than the piano.

When I went to check on her she was feeling better. She thanked me for covering for her. I flippantly said she may have to cover for me in September when we are to play at an outdoor concert. I joked about my eyes swelling shut.

This morning I felt convicted. I sent a message to her saying, “I take it back. You won’t have to cover for me in the fall. I’m sick of being sick and Satan trying to stop us. Have a healthy day.”

You could have knocked me over with a feather when I read today’s verse!

Isaiah 33:24, “The Lord will forgive your sins, and none of you will say, ‘I feel sick.'”

 

God Says “Trust Me”

This spring has been as miserable as Ragweed season. The combination of a long winter and frequent rain caused the grass to release pollen the same time as the trees. That double whammy made me want to stay inside completely.

I have been attending church twice a week and going to worship practice. I was ready to decrease my time outside by missing Wednesday evening services. But God kept saying to me, “Trust me.”

Isaiah 7:9, “…and if Ahaz and his officials don’t trust me, they will be defeated.”

The NIV version of the same verse says, “If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all.”

I guess I’m going to church tonight!

Isaiah 8:17, “Meanwhile, I patiently trust the Lord…”

“The Stand” – Hillsong

YOU KNOW MY STORY

I keep a daily journal. In it I write down my happiest moments and my deepest griefs. There is something cathartic about writing down the pains and sorrows.

It is like someone else shares my burden. And when I record the births and triumphs, someone shares my joy.

Job’s wish was that his words would be recorded.

Job 19:23, 24, “I wish that my words could be written down or chiseled into rock.”

His words were recorded many years later and we are not sure who recorded them. His words bring comfort to us when we are sick, despairing of life, suffering a financial down turn, or at the very worst, lose a child. We can identify with the pain and emotions in Job’s words.

“You Know My Name” – Detour 180

WHEN GOOD PEOPLE SUFFER

A week from today is April Fool’s Day. For most it will be a day of practical jokes and laughter.

But for Wayland and Tara, it will be a painful day of remembrance. You see, a year ago they lost two daughters in a horrible train/car accident.

It shook the family, the community, and the county. It is so difficult to understand such a horrible tragedy.

We just can’t.

The book of Job is one of the writings of wisdom, along with Proverbs and Ecclesiastes.

“This unknown author probably had access to a tradition (oral or written) about an ancient righteous man who endured great suffering with remarkable ‘perseverance’ (see James 5:11) and without turning against God (see Ezekiel 14:14, 20)…The composition of the book…could be dated anytime from the reign of Solomon to the time of Israel’s exile in Babylonia.” NIV Study Bible Notes

Since Solomon wrote the other books on wisdom: Proverbs and Ecclesiastes, I decided we should read this third book on wisdom at the same time.

“…he intended his story to be told to godly sufferers who, like Job, were struggling with the crisis of faith brought on by prolonged, bitter suffering…And he knows that the godly sufferers of his day have also heard the ‘wisdom’ of the learned and have internalized it as the wisdom of the ages. But he also knows what ‘miserable’ comfort (16:2) that so-called wisdom gives – that it rubs salt in the wounds and creates a stumbling block for faith…But he has a story to tell that challenges it at its very roots and speaks to the struggling faith of the sufferer…

When good people suffer, the human spirit struggles to understand….The relationship between God and humans is not exclusive and closed. Among God’s creatures there is the great adversary (see chapters 1, 2)…As tempter he seeks to alienate humans from God (see Genesis 3; Matthew 4:1); as accuser…he seeks to alienate God from humans (see Zechariah 1:3; Revelations 12:9-10)…one of humankind’s greatest temptations: to love the gifts rather than the Giver to try to please God merely for the sake of his benefits, to be ‘religious’ and ‘good’ only because it pays.

In the end the adversary is silenced. Job’s friends are silenced. Job is silenced. God is not.” NIV Study Bible Notes

The most amazing thing to me is found in today’s verse.

Job 1:1, “Many years ago, a man named Job lived in the land of Uz. He was truly a good person, who respected God and refused to do evil.”

“…he did not belong to the people of Israel…” CEV Bible Notes

The entire Bible is written about the Hebrews or Jews. But this one book was written about a foreigner.

“No Other Name”

 

 

LIFE IS EASY GOING DOWN THE MOUNTAIN

Our lives are like hiking through the mountains. We struggle to climb a mountain: pay off a debt, endure an illness, suffer a job loss. When we reach the peak life is easier: the debt is paid, health restored, we find employment.

Going down the mountain is a piece of cake compared to climbing up. But at the end is another valley: another trial, challenge, problem, etc. The answer is at the top of the next mountain and we start climbing and struggling again.

We foolishly think the top of the mountain is a plateau and we will always be this well off. We are totally shocked when the next challenge comes.

We need to live expecting challenges:

  • Be frugal; and save as much money as possible.
  • Take care of our bodies.
  • Work hard at our present job.

Only God knows what is ahead.

Ecclesiastes 7:14, “When times are good, you should be cheerful; when times are bad, think what it means. God makes them both to keep us from knowing what will happen next.”

“Blessed Be the Name of the Lord”