We took the family to “Appanoose Rapids” to celebrate Derek’s birthday. Olivia, 7, brought a doll that poops! She tired of holding it. I offered to put it in the booth beside me. I misjudged the space and bonked the doll’s head on the table.
“Good job, great-grandma,” Laura quipped.
When Olivia has a child I will be a great-grandma. That was a sobering thought.
Then David shared how Kyle, the bass player, calls me “Grandma Pamcake.” (I tell him only Olivia can call me grandma.)
I started feeling self-pity. Why do they tease me about my age?
After eating, we debated about going to Kohls. I wanted to see if they had a space heater on sale. I spend most of the day in my office. I could just heat it.
But everyone was tired. We went home.
Self-pity reared its head again. The lies started going through my head:
- David always says “no” to me.
- Nobody cares about what I need.
- I always have to go without.
- Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I guess I’ll go eat worms…
As a child, I was miserable most of the time. I was itchy, bleeding, and in pain with my clothes stuck to the Atopic Dermatitis. It tormented me day and night. I was sleep-deprived. And children are cruel. Self-pity was a constant companion.
“May we remember that if self-pity is allowed to set in, we will never be used by God again until it is totally removed.” “Streams in the Desert,” October 12
I could justify self-pity. But I know it does not please God.
Genesis 35:4, “They turned over to Jacob all the alien gods they’d been holding on to, along with their lucky-charm earrings. Jacob buried them under the oak tree in Shechem.” The Message
Have I allowed self-pity to become an idol in my life? It is a habitual reaction. It’s one I need to bury.
“Feel locked out? Feel unincluded?…Need some direction in your life? Get behind Me and follow Me through the valley, through the pain. …If you feel disconnected, hook up with Me. …I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. And I’m making a way for everybody who will walk by faith.”
Do you struggle with self-pity? How did you overcome it? How can we share empathy without giving pity to one in pain?
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